Wednesday, December 30, 2009
You, the reader of this blog, may say that there's always New Year's Eve, that there is still one excuse left this year for us to keep singing the songs and keep the Christmas decorations up, almost as if the holidays were to last forever...But doesn't that feel like we're cheating ourselves, that we are no longer embracing the precious values of how Christmas only comes once a year?
This sometimes worries me to the point that I make the decision to never put out the spirit and light of my Christmas tree that sits proudly in my living room, because I never want Christmas to end, and because I--like everybody else I'm sure--don't want the happiness and sleigh bells to die out into the daily routines of what we call life.
But then I think about how this horrible yet strengthening transition is not our time to suffer, but is merely our opportunity to cherish the times we had in the past few weeks of Christmas season, and to value the things we have in our lives everyday just as much as we value the carolers and Christmas movies.
It allows us to stop ourselves from taking our lives for granted. It stops us from becoming greedy and wanting more and more, such as if one were upset after Christmas because no more Christmas presents appeared magically under their tree.
Even though I admit I am listening to a Christmas CD right now, I am listening to it because I want to enjoy the last few days of the season where anything is possible and where everything comes in to the best of light and in the very least of shadow. I believe that after new year's eve has passed, I will be able to put myself together and find happiness and cheer in everything that I do, despite the lack of red and green that I may see from then on.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
I love the booming voices of laughter and lively conversation that seem to bounce around the brightly-colored walls of the Starbucks store, as I occasionally feel even more at home by the coffee machines doing their work to make the cups of heavenly warmth that every person undoubtedly loves.
I also love the first few moments of daytime when I wake up, and I look outside my window but all that I see and hear and feel is the light chirping of the morning birds that brighten up the world from its deep sleep.
Another sound that I adore is the one a person living in a beach house would feel attached to; the sound whose word seems to be the only word that person may find in the dictionary, because it's the only sound that communicates with them to their very core, bringing them an ultimate sense of peace that should never be interrupted by the normal stresses of life (jobs, etc.); and that sound is no other than the ocean crashing along the shore.
A beach house owner may always be given the feeling of freedom to flee (wow, that's a nice alliteration I just added) whenever he/she wants, from whatever stress they would feel at the time, or just for the many times they feel like wrapping him/herself in the refreshing blanket that the sea and the atmosphere within the beach house throws on them.
Why should not everybody own a beach house? It seems like such a rarity, but that's probably because the area that I live in has the type of climate that doesn't often allow for that kind of relaxation...Yet regardless of the weather, you would always be given the chance to enjoy yourself resting comfortably in a cozy chair on your balcony, while watching the crisp, blue pulses of the ocean pulling back and forth in front of you, with newer layers of sand piling in uneven yet perfect layers in this almost fairytale setting.
Part of my future plan is to buy a beach house, which you probably would have figured out by now :) . Not only have I already set my mind to this goal, but I have also thought (however not yet decided) about how I'd like to decorate it.
Lately, during my past few visits at Barnes & Noble, I've found myself wandering about the home decorating section in the magazine rack. I remember picking up a very heavy and thick, yet softly-pictured in calm shades of blue, magazine about the Parisian style of home decorating; I thought of purchasing it, until I discovered that the price was much higher than I would have wanted :P .
But that doesn't mean I'm still not scavenging for suitable bundles of creativity (aka home decorating magazines :D). Hopefully, I'll soon come across one that speaks the very same view of a "perfect home" to me as the way that I've spoken these ideas to myself.
However, I'm not perfectly sure how I would want my future beach house--or any house in general that I may buy in my future--to look like, whether I want it to look modern with its walls almost suffocatingly covered with paintings by people I've never heard of (though if I think about that idea longer I may like my house to look that way, since I love paintings regardless of who created them out of their inner images; I shouldn't be pessimistic about that); or if I want my home to look French and fancy, with laces and curtains matching the exact shade of the pillow cases;
Or if I want my future place to contain a look based entirely on my first instincts, my truthful preferences, and my personality; the way to decorate this way would be if I went along with pieces of the house instead of deciding firmly what to do with the entire place at once.
This is how my mind works in every situation. I don't like to decide on one big, general thing and act on it without ever changing my decision; I feel like if I want something to look the way I want it, even if I'm just talking about this blog I'm typing right now, I would rather decide little by little what I want to do in each part and have everything broken down.
With this method, I have felt more confident with my decisions because if I made a decision all in one, I would have eventually altered it because of some problems/mix-ups I would have run into along the way.
This is the way I think of things, though I don't want to stay firm on it; I would like to be open to different ways to deal with obstacles, challenges, and successes.
And whether or not I am feeling stressed out by it, there is never a time where I wouldn't like to stop to think about the things that I love, such as the rain, the morning birds, and the crashing ocean waves. :)
Saturday, August 15, 2009
When I get hungry, meaning in my definition if I haven't eaten in at least two hours, I become increasingly anxious and occasionally my heartbeat quickens as if I'm watching a very, very slow second-hand of a clock trying to push upward against gravity to reach past the last fragments of time for a boring science class to finish and to release me into the warm, open arms of freedom (not that I ever hated science class that much in high school, but when I talk about it as a simile to my hunger for food I feel like I detested it). And if I do find that food stands within my near reach, or in the comfort of my kitchen, I grab a small handful of walnuts or a bowl of berries and I am completely satisfied; I feel my entire body relax and back in its natural (and rightful) state as I munch slowly to take in every spark of taste that seems to appear in my imagination, and I can't help but automatically look forward to the next time that I can eat.
But if I see that food cannot be found close to me, I instantly panic and I feel detached from my mind and sanity, as my heartbeat quickens even more and I forget all the thoughts that preceded the thoughts I had about what I should eat.
I then lose all capacity to think of anything other than food--anything other than the possibility of allowing a spoon of vanilla frozen yogurt to melt on my tongue, or the familiar feeling of a warm stream of Starbucks chai latte flowing down my throat and into the very core of my inner peace and serenity. Nor can I throw out the luminous dream of hearing the light sizzles of a pan smothered in olive oil, as I make myself a cheese omelette while my ears are decorated by the soothing melodies of French music coming from my stereo near the kitchen.
If more and more time passes on of not eating food (perhaps because I have forgotten to bring food to a meeting where no snacks are served; or because I am sitting in Barnes & Noble that's right next to a Starbucks and I had already made up my mind that day that I won't spend any more money that week), I become convinced that the time is moving slower and slower almost to a stop. My frustration adds up and I can no longer breathe. And my mood begins to plummet as I become desperate even to the point of thinking I could munch on Starbucks napkins right now.
But once I start munching on those walnuts or start taking out the chilly low-fat yogurt, blueberries and the crunchy cereal from the cabinet and fridge to make myself a parfait, I am relieved and have come back to life. My sanity comes back to me like an old friend, and I tell it that it needs to work harder to stay with me the next time this disaster happens. I have pursued the seemingly-distant dream of satisfying my stomach and my inner being, and I am proud to have accomplished it.
Sometimes, I think about the scene in the adorable movie Something's Gotta Give where Jack Nicholson's character and Diane Keaton's character find themselves in bathrobes and pjs in the middle of the night, standing barefoot in the kitchen and making pancakes, discovering that they have a meaningful connection with each other. And when Erica (Diane Keaton's character) begins to leave the kitchen because she remembers that Harry (Jack Nicholson's character) is dating her daughter (if this phrase that you just read has shocked you because you haven't seen the movie, and the phrase has therefore distracted you from the point of this blog, please watch the movie so that you can get the real perspective of it since it's not that scandalous in the movie), Harry hopefully (and somewhat sadly) asks her, "You don't want pancakes anymore?"
That question always struck me during the movie no matter how many times I've watched it, because it really shows the way that food can play alternate roles in people's lives when we least expect it. If Erica and Harry hadn't arranged to meet in the kitchen, and Erica hadn't offered to make pancakes for the two of them, they might have missed their chance to see themselves in each other's eyes. (Wow, that phrase could not have sounded cheesier :P).
And do I want pancakes anymore? Of course I do, because I just heard my stomach growl and I am hungry for some leftover pancakes I made for my family just this morning. :)
here it goes!
Friday, August 7, 2009
On my drive to the park, I felt as if no thoughts had entered my mind, which is an extreme rarity in my case. I had the radio on, as always, and I kept changing the stations because almost every other one was in the middle of commercials (I'm someone who has absolutely NO patience for radio commercials!!). But eventually, I left myself listening to a jazz station, leaving me at peace for the rest of the ride.
Once I got there and began walking towards the circular path while trying to untangle my ipod earphone wires, I immediately realized how cold the air was especially comparing to the amazingly (yet sometimes frustrating) hot weather we had in the weeks before. Though I'm someone who prefers cold to hot--partially because that means I get to wear scarves and cute jackets--, these first few minutes of walking were a little difficult.
But as I got to running through the path surrounded by trees and green while listening to U2, Carla Bruni, and the rushing waters coming down in the waterfall next to me, I felt myself becoming totally immersed in the atmosphere, even when I could feel my cheeks becoming stiff and cold (which explained how hard it was for me to smile when people walked past me). I could feel the nature-loving part of myself emerge, and maybe that was the reason I ended up running an entire mile without stopping! I also ended up walking another mile, after which I needed to take a break so I rested on one of the benches for a few minutes; I could feel myself begin to fall sleep, but even with my eyelids feeling heavy I looked up towards the rustling, pure-green leaves floating in the cool breeze, and I already felt as if I dozed off into a dream.
On my drive back home (actually, scratch that--I drove to Barnes & Noble, which is literally my second home considering the number of times I go and how comfortable I feel there), I had a strong sense of pride, exhaustion, and peace hovering about me. The jazz music on the radio wasn't enough to satisfy me, so I decided to pull down one of the windows so that I could hear the noises of the city roll inside my car (the sound of cars rolling by, pedestrians in mid-conversation, etc.).
I would share with you my millionth trip to B&N, but that would lead me to write another gazillion pages, as I don't want to break any of my fingers, so I'll leave this blog as it is now :) .
Monday, July 27, 2009
It all started about a week ago when I went to my dentist appointment...; I want to take a moment to express the horror I've had of going to the dentist for the past few years, because of how badly I had been taking care of my teeth and my own body by spending 90 percent of my awake time eating sweets and ignoring people's advice (and ignoring the voice echoing in my head) to get serious about exercising.
Anyways, my dentist appointment basically led to a broken jaw (don't worry, I didn't actually break my jaw..that was an overstatement) and to a draining of all the energy that could possibly be contained in me. This is because I had to lie on the chair (which I notice every time I sit in it that it's probably the coziest/comfiest--is that a real word??--chair I've ever sat in :P) for literally 2 hours with my mouth open while my dentist and his coworker did three fillings in my teeth.
As I felt my jaw getting weaker and weaker during those two tedious (yet somewhat exciting because of the random-looking tools that went in and out of my mouth) hours, I realized that I had brought this destruction all on myself--Since I was 9 years old, I have probably gotten an estimate of 10 fillings, all because I barely flossed (only because it was extremely hard to get in the habit of it, so every time I tried flossing I gave up after a week or two of pushing myself...until now, but I'll get to that later) and didn't watch what I should and should not eat. Plus I was always the member of the household who would finish a carton of chocolate milk or a box of oreo cookies a week after it was purchased from the grocery store, and I even barely tried leaving some for other people in my family to enjoy (which I didn't feel bad about until now! :( ).
So after my mom and I got back home from the dentist, with all the pain going on in my teeth and in the left side of my head, and with half of my face (the same half) numb, I decided to get down to business and write out a detailed oath about how I was going to actually try and commit to living a much healthier, guilt-free lifestyle. I took out my favorite notepad, a pen, and my outside/nonrelevant thoughts, and started writing. As I wrote my list, some bullets appeared such as "Drink 5 cups of water/tea every day," "No poison, aka NO SWEETS!," and most importantly, "Make sure I respect myself in every single situation that I am in...because I deserve it." And as this list continued, broader yet equally important points piled on, like "call my friends/close acquaintances once/week" and "Don't follow every single fashion advice I read in GLAMOUR." When I was done writing, I knew that this time I wouldn't let myself or the people I love down, because I had become more determined than ever to change myself for the better in every way possible.
Now it's been 5 full days that I haven't eaten sweets (except a few nights ago I impulsively grabbed a pack of sandwich cookies while I was out, and when I got home I literally threw the pack at my sister begging her to eat them all before I wanted them again...Then two minutes later I took a cookie from her and ate half of it, then threw the other half away), as it's been a full week that I've done aerobics, and I'm already feeling like I accomplished so much! :)
So to people who have also suffered from an addiction to sweets like me, and to people who want to improve themselves, determination is the real drive to getting where you want to be.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
I can't find words to describe my experience in France and how I've felt about it...and if I did find words they would stretch for miles! Last night I talked with my mom and sister on the phone for the first time in two weeks, and I ended up being on the phone for an hour and a half talking mostly about what I've seen and done in France...normally I don't talk on the phone for more than 10 to 20 minutes, so it was a little surprising for me :P
Anyways, I don't want to make this blog stretch on for too long because I know I'd end up typing an essay on the trip...But I'll just talk about what I've done recently...
I think I'll start with the highlight of today, which was eating a ginormous crepe by a fishing port in a city an hour away from Nantes...it was a foot in diameter, drizzled with chocolate fudge, decorated with whipped cream and topped in the center with a scoop of coconut ice cream...Oh My God it was amazing!! :D I took at least three pictures of it!
Another highlight I guess was hearing songs on the radio that I actually recognized, aka American music, which was 90 percent of the songs the radio stations were playing. I mostly heard songs from Lady Gaga (whose songs I've kind of liked but "Just Dance" is starting to get annoying because it's been stuck in my head), Rhianna, Coldplay, and Katy Perry. Also, on the radio I heard "Lucky" by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat, which made me really happy, and also some hip hop songs I always hear but that I forget the names of...
Okay, I'm going to go now because I think someone's cooking fish in the house and I don't want my nice clothes to smell, so I'm going to change my clothes and I don't know if the family would think me weird to wear my pjs to the dinner table...But oh well, I'll figure it out...
Bisoux! (I'm still trying to get used to saying that :P)