Tuesday, December 28, 2010


Is there a time when it's "too late" to tell someone how you feel?
I've been struggling with this question for a long time...For months, to be exact.
I don't want to get specific, but it has to do with someone who I believe got the wrong impression of me. And although it has been a month since I last spoke with this person, I've recently been feeling like I need to clear things up.
In all the million times that I've gone over making this decision in my mind of whether or not to write to this person, the big question comes up of whether I'm only doing it to try to make something happen between me and the other party. But the bottom line is I want to do it for myself, as an instance to prove that I can be honest with myself...Even if it means that I'll end up making a fool of myself.

I don't know; what do you think?

Bean out. (And in bed, I'm so tired!) (Good night!)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Happy Sunday!

...and Happy Sunday!

Sunday...It's the day where one takes a refuge from their daily life...To stop and smell the roses (well not really, in my case..Seattle is cold now and roses can only be found at a Trader Joe's ;) ) and relax...To grab a book that you've already read hundreds of times but still just want to get another glimpse of...To look forward to any exciting events that may happen in the next week...And to remember the fun times during the week that has just passed. :)

Although I usually would wake up early on Sundays to get some studying done, this Sunday has been the exception--And I intend to keep it that way.

I realized that I had been taking Sundays too seriously, that Sunday was the perfect day to get lots of work done instead of seeing it as one of the rare opportunities to relax. I used to get paranoid that if I didn't start opening the books by 7 in the morning, I wouldn't have the same motivation or energy to do it any other time of the day, or even week.

But when Thanksgiving break came along, I was swept from the regular activities of Sunday like a soft-blowing wave of cool wind that came almost from nowhere, in some mystical way. I was instead surrounded by the quiet ease of family time, me time even, and just the general things people do to step off the race track. Because of all this, I ended up making the decision to think of Sunday not as the time to "overdedicate" oneself to checking items of the to-do list, but to embody it as the time to enjoy moments at home, and to take in every breath of fresh air and remember that this is what life's all about.

And even though I may feel this way, I'd still need to at least study a little bit...Or at least that's the case for me this weekend, since final exams are coming up and I don't want to leave it all for the last minute...
...It now seems like Sundays can still mean studying (wow, big alliteration there!), but not in the rushed, hurried, stressed-out mode as if time is running out, which was the way I usually would perceive it.
Rather, studying can be in the picture in the same relaxed manner as how I'd spend time with family, as we would sip our coffees my uncle would always bring--with his own carton of half & half--and laugh in the reminiscing of some unforgettable memories that sometimes cannot be recalled during the busy haziness of work or school during the week.

So as I'm now sipping my homemade Chai latte (not coffee and half & half, because my uncle's not at my house of course...And by "homemade," I mean a mix of a chai-flavored Tazo tea bag, a splash of milk, and a teaspoon of organic honey) that is enveloped in the thick coziness of my red Christmas-y mug (which I keep "borrowing" from my sister who lives in CA :P), I've decided to take it to my room so it can join my Art History and Macroeconomics textbooks with ease...

Because that's how I want to spend my entire Sunday--In relaxation.

Bean out. (and relaxed.)