Tuesday, December 28, 2010


Is there a time when it's "too late" to tell someone how you feel?
I've been struggling with this question for a long time...For months, to be exact.
I don't want to get specific, but it has to do with someone who I believe got the wrong impression of me. And although it has been a month since I last spoke with this person, I've recently been feeling like I need to clear things up.
In all the million times that I've gone over making this decision in my mind of whether or not to write to this person, the big question comes up of whether I'm only doing it to try to make something happen between me and the other party. But the bottom line is I want to do it for myself, as an instance to prove that I can be honest with myself...Even if it means that I'll end up making a fool of myself.

I don't know; what do you think?

Bean out. (And in bed, I'm so tired!) (Good night!)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Happy Sunday!

...and Happy Sunday!

Sunday...It's the day where one takes a refuge from their daily life...To stop and smell the roses (well not really, in my case..Seattle is cold now and roses can only be found at a Trader Joe's ;) ) and relax...To grab a book that you've already read hundreds of times but still just want to get another glimpse of...To look forward to any exciting events that may happen in the next week...And to remember the fun times during the week that has just passed. :)

Although I usually would wake up early on Sundays to get some studying done, this Sunday has been the exception--And I intend to keep it that way.

I realized that I had been taking Sundays too seriously, that Sunday was the perfect day to get lots of work done instead of seeing it as one of the rare opportunities to relax. I used to get paranoid that if I didn't start opening the books by 7 in the morning, I wouldn't have the same motivation or energy to do it any other time of the day, or even week.

But when Thanksgiving break came along, I was swept from the regular activities of Sunday like a soft-blowing wave of cool wind that came almost from nowhere, in some mystical way. I was instead surrounded by the quiet ease of family time, me time even, and just the general things people do to step off the race track. Because of all this, I ended up making the decision to think of Sunday not as the time to "overdedicate" oneself to checking items of the to-do list, but to embody it as the time to enjoy moments at home, and to take in every breath of fresh air and remember that this is what life's all about.

And even though I may feel this way, I'd still need to at least study a little bit...Or at least that's the case for me this weekend, since final exams are coming up and I don't want to leave it all for the last minute...
...It now seems like Sundays can still mean studying (wow, big alliteration there!), but not in the rushed, hurried, stressed-out mode as if time is running out, which was the way I usually would perceive it.
Rather, studying can be in the picture in the same relaxed manner as how I'd spend time with family, as we would sip our coffees my uncle would always bring--with his own carton of half & half--and laugh in the reminiscing of some unforgettable memories that sometimes cannot be recalled during the busy haziness of work or school during the week.

So as I'm now sipping my homemade Chai latte (not coffee and half & half, because my uncle's not at my house of course...And by "homemade," I mean a mix of a chai-flavored Tazo tea bag, a splash of milk, and a teaspoon of organic honey) that is enveloped in the thick coziness of my red Christmas-y mug (which I keep "borrowing" from my sister who lives in CA :P), I've decided to take it to my room so it can join my Art History and Macroeconomics textbooks with ease...

Because that's how I want to spend my entire Sunday--In relaxation.

Bean out. (and relaxed.)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Sneaky Opportunities...

Hello all,

You may have noticed that I have not logged on to my blogging page as often as I may have liked...the reason for this is that I had recently gone to the doctor due to the pain I have felt in my hands during the past few months, and apparently I have tendonitis. :( I admit this was a result of my own wrongdoing, since (until recently) I was practically addicted to texting and logging on to Facebook several times a day..so for the last few weeks I have been restraining myself from even laying one finger on a keyboard, as I have been communicating with people I know through only one form ( by telephone...actually talking into it :P), which has been extremely difficult yet relieving at the same time.

You may be wondering, who is typing all of this if I just said that I have stopped using the computer? Well, right now as we speak, I am speaking these words aloud as my mom types them out. And although I am still trying to get used to not controlling the keyboard, the numerous times that my mom and I have spent in front of the screen have been sneaky opportunities for us to spend more time together. :)

I don't know how long it will be before I can start freely writing my thoughts on food, random moments, more food, etc. again; hopefully it will be soon.

Until then...

Bean out.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Hot Tea in Yellow Mugs

Hello all!

This is my first blog in weeks! I can't believe it's been that long already :P
Well I can say it's been awhile since I last wrote, mostly because I've been busy either planning, looking forward to (so much so that I was too hyper and excited to even log on my blogspot account!), or actually taking part in activities for the summer...One of which I'm actually still in the process of at this moment, which is being in California at my aunt's house. :)

I was looking forward to this vacation since the last time I visited (a year ago), and sometimes I still feel like I'm dreaming, that I'm not actually here. It's probably because I was imagining being back here and looking forward to it so much that once I found myself sitting tightly in the airplane, gripping on to my arm rests for dear life as the flying machine skidded to a stop at Orange County, and once I actually set my luggage in the guestroom at the house which looked exactly the same as in my memories and imagination, I was surprised that my dream of coming back here came true. I think it's because when we usually want something, as badly as we may want it, it won't come out as we may imagine or not come at all. So when I entered the Pottery Barn-esque kitchen (well, pretty much the entire house is Pottery Barn/Williams-Sonoma-esque...Basically, my aunt's house is my dream house for when I have my own place to live in :) ) this morning to make breakfast, I had to stop for a minute in my tracks and figure out if I was still daydreaming this in my home, or if I was physically right there in my aunt's kitchen in California for real...And when I realized it was for real, as it has been during the last two weeks, I was truly content. :)

And tomorrow is my last full day here, which obviously makes me sad, but at the same time I'm so grateful that I came here when I wanted to! I feel like not many people feel they are given the choice, opportunity, or even the courage, to achieve what they want, when they want. So when I had told my mom I really so badly wanted to visit my aunt in California and she was up for helping me get a flight, a part of me didn't think it was actually going to happen...So the moment when my mom called me downstairs to her room on her computer to see the confirmation she made of my flight to and from CA was one of the most thrilling moments for me!

And as I sit here out on the balcony typing this blog, while taking in the warm, welcoming smells of the summer air and the endless baby blue of the sky, while occasionally sipping black tea in a bright yet classy yellow (Crate and Barrel-esque) mug, I go over the wonderful memories I've experienced during my stay here, as I am forever sure that I would never trade any of those memories for anything.

I want to take this last part of the blog to thank my aunt and her husband for their almost overwhelming hospitality and warmth given to me throughout my stay at their house. And with the enlightening, supportive conversations between my aunt and I over French-style appetizers and motherloads of food, and the short yet lively conversations between her husband and I in the morning before he left the house for work, and with many other fond times, I've come to the decision that if I could I'd come back here every summer after this one! ;D

Enjoy the sunshine, wherever you are!

Bean out.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Funfetti vs. Chocolate

Bonjour! Good Day! Salaam! :)
Here are a few poems I've drawn out of my poetry journal (which I've kept since the 8th grade...My mom graciously bought it for me with its quirky yet interesting cover and spiral binding, and since then I've
written on-and-off into its pages) to share with you all--Hope you like them! (and by the way, most of the poems don't have titles...I guess you can come up with them on your own as you read ;) )

Date: 24 June 2010 at 6:00~ish pm

If you look
Closely, so closely
That the fibers
Of the glass-like green leaves
Shatter, and
That the birds almost
Hold their breath to
Keep from sharing
Their song
With the unknown, then
You will see--All is still.

The sunlight barely moves,
But the trees are still
Chanting in harmonious pride.
Of what they had
Become today.
On this summer day.

Date: 20 June 2010 at 1:24 pm

Chirps, flights
and sways
of the birds
Captivate me. I wonder,
Is this all a Dream? Am I
Just wondering
If it exists?
Does the cool touch
of my bare
Feet on the wooden balcony
Really send through
My veins, and up
To my conscience?
The conscience
Is ever-moving,
I may never stop.
To look around.
To see if I'm
Maybe this is a good thing,
Just maybe...

Date: 19 June 2010 at 10:36 am (I don't know why I write the specific time
when I've written these poems..)

I just felt a leaf
Brush past my finger.
The rain is pouring,
Giving the most of
Its whole to me.
"I don't know what I'm doing,
It's hard to explain."
But I am feeling comfort,
Here like
Nowhere else.
Home does not run away,
It does not turn its back.
It pulls me instead, and I
cannot leave.
My love is way beyond
Horizons, my words cannot
Express this.
I hope you'll know
How I feel, it
Is beyond imagination.

(Note: There are those quotations in the early part of this poem because I was quoting a song I was listening to on the radio while writing it...I can't remember what song it was, but I just remember thinking how perfec
tly those words fit into the rest of the poem!)

Date: 19 June 2010 at 10:50am

Those random nights
Are what get me
Out of bed.
Spontaneity is my drive.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Baking competition, Funfetti against
the fearless chocolate. My Sister's Keeper,
because we all are worth being sheltered and
loved, and "kept." The pictures that frame our
Black/white, sepia, or comic, we all are together.
Weak at the knees, because the freeway was my first.
The steering wheel almost shook just as much.
My memories flutter and burst in love and happiness, the colors of
Funfetti and Chocolate rushing past and before my eyes! I want to do it
again. Altogether, and then with the better. Love, To S, M and P, I hope you agree.

(Note: I'm not sure I'd call this one a poem, but it was just a paragraph I wrote without stopping, the morning after a great night I spent with my closest friends! :D We had a cake competition where two of us made Funfetti cake and the rest of us made chocolate cake; we wanted to see which tasted better...And apparently the parents enjoyed the chocolate one more, but I still think my group's Funfetti was spectacular :) We also watched the movie My Sister's Keeper and took pictures together on my friend's laptop, hence my mentioning of "Black/white, sepia, or comic" (as in comic book style).) (...And "S, M, and P" are initials of my friend's names.)

I'd like to end this post by stating that the last poem here is my favorite, just because it make me think about one of the most fun times I've ever had in my life. :D

Bean out!

Sunday, July 11, 2010


Hello again!,
By now you have probably figured out that I'll be posting a piece of my artwork every now and then...I guess I've been doing it because so far my blogs have only been of writing and barely with any illustration; so I thought my blog-page would be more exciting with some images added! :)

So here's yet another piece I made in the last few years; it's titled © Chris Martin (obviously because it's of Chris Martin of Coldplay ;) ) and it's made out of watercolor and pencil. I found the image while searching for pictures having to do with the Coldplay hit called "Yellow," which is probably my favorite song from that band.

Any favorites out of the pieces I've posted so far?

Off to drink iced green tea....

Bean out.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Trois Jambes

Title of Piece: © Burberry magazine ad
Date Created: July 2009
Medium: Charcoal

Voila un autre tableau que j'ai créé! :) J'ai trouvé l'image dans une publicité (d'une magazine) pour le Burberry, avec le mannequin connu qui s'appelle Agyness Deyn.
L'oeuvre est en fusain et papier, et juste au cas où vous ne comprenez pas pourquoi Agyness a trois jambes, c'est parce que la troisième est vraiment une écharpe ;) (Je dis cela puisqu'il y avait quelques fois où on pensait que le foulard était une jambe!).

Si vous voudriez voir touts mes autres tableaux, allez sur le site:


A bientôt!

Bean out. (Comment dit-on "Bean out." en francais??)

There Was a Vegetable Fiesta on my Balcony.

Last night, after my little brother and I came back home from our adventures to the library and Barnes & Noble, I randomly decided to make myself a healthy meal that consisted mostly of vegetables and olive oil. :)
...Maybe it was because of the articles I read in the Health and Yoga magazines at Barnes & Noble, the ones that urge readers to make healthy yet satisfying choices in everything you eat and do; I guess their words motivated me to stuff myself with bright colors of food, and in the end I felt a great sense of accomplishment and relaxation; not just out of eating the final product, but mostly out of the entire process of creating it.

When I got home, I instinctively grabbed the last red bell pepper from the bottom drawer in the fridge, along with three succulent-looking, deep green zucchinis (I remember my first experience of cooked zucchinis that my mom used to make all the time, with the shine of olive oil having been decorated all over it and with hints of herbs scattered around...Mmmm, delicious). I then thought of taking a few white mushrooms too, but I just let that idea leap out of my mind because they weren't as exciting to look at as the almost blinding red of the pepper and as the nature-y hues of the zucchini.

And after gently handling the vegetables under running cold water and with bits of soap, and after rolling them in a towel to dry (and while doing all of this I felt like I was treating them like babies, as if holding of pressing the vegetables too hard under the towel was going to destroy them!), I took a knife and made my attempt to chop the vegetables like a pro...My cutting skills aren't too bad in general, so cutting the zucchini into fourths wasn't so difficult; but when it came to the red bell pepper, it was almost impossible for me to do one chop and get a clean cut--instead, trying to chop them was only making the attempted pieces turn into fraying fragments looking like a disease on the vegetable..so obviously I stopped trying to chop the pepper and just made long, deep incisions (boy, now I sound like I'm talking about a surgical procedure!).
So then I finally had nice, long strands of red juicy goodness lying out before me, next to the green hues of the strands of zucchini, all encompassed by the contrasting whiteness (save for a few food stains) of the cutting board. :)

I laid the pieces out on a cookie sheet and brushed them with about a tablespoon and a half of extra virgin olive oil; and with a little spontaneity in me, I decided to toss (well maybe not toss, because that would have made the task very messy!) a few pieces of goat cheese on some of the pieces (of both vegetables)...I didn't want to take the risk of possibly having the food taste terrible because of the goat cheese, so that's why I didn't put the cheese on the whole set.

And with the preheating to 350 degrees and the timer set to 10 minutes (which I later added 5 min to just to see what happens; so really the timer was to 15 min), I slid the beautifully prepared vegetable fiesta into the fiery sauna (not literally fiery, because obviously that would have been very dangerous..). And I spent that amount of time cooking a turkey dog on the stove; as I also stepped out on the balcony and gently plucked five basil leaves from a basil plant my dad recently bought, and chopped them after rinsing in cool water.

After what seemed like an eternity (mostly because I was starving, which was why I found myself munching on walnuts while waiting for the vegetables to get ready), the alarm of the oven went off and I practically sprinted to the kitchen as if to the rescue of my "babies!"
And when I took the cookie sheet out of the oven and set it on the counter, the most amazing smell began to surround me! and It smelled like pizza because of the goat cheese and zucchini together, so much so that I was afraid my brother would rush to the kitchen to see if I actually made pizza (his favorite food)! Also, to make the setting look even more appealing, I put the pepper and zucchini pieces on a clean plate, and then sprinkled the ensemble with my chopped basil...And the smell just kept getting better!

And you may ask, what was the turkey dog for? Well I thought from the beginning that if I only ate vegetables for dinner, I wouldn't feel so full that I'd eat another feast half an hour later; so I thought the turkey dog was a great and low-calorie way to throw an anchor in my stomach to keep me full, along with the vegetables.
So after the basil procedure (again, sounding very surgical for some reason...I apologize :P), I cut the turkey dog into little pieces and served it on a separate plate, since I was afraid that the prettiness of the vegetables lying together would be ruined by the random dog.

And with all of this prepared, I sat on the balcony in the 80 degree weather, with my Glamour magazine open, and the two plates of deliciousness spread before me waiting for me to devour them. I ended up enjoying every bite, and as it turns out, the goat cheese with the red bell pepper tasted amazing!

So I guess in the end it must have been alright for me to take the noble risk of throwing on the goat cheese on the vegetables, instead of just on a few pieces of them...

...So the vegetable fiesta would have been filled with even more life and excitement than before!

I hope this blog didn't bore you to sleep, because I just realized that I spent about an hour writing about myself cooking two colored things and eating it with a fake hot dog and cheese. But at the same time, I hope this blog has inspired you to be more inventive than you may have found yourself to be, and to take small risks in order to make your creations flourish.

Munching on more walnuts...

Bean out.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

A Billion Fans in the House, but I Don't Care :)


The Seattle area is currently going through a ginormous heat wave that will show no mercy to people until the upcoming Monday...
Which is why today I am taking off to...


I'm so excited! It's been awhile since I have actually driven to a specific destination by the water, for the sole purpose of waddling my feet under moist sand, or for relaxing in the intense warmth of the sun as I read a favorite book of mine (this time I'm taking a library copy of Emma by Jane Austen, which I've been renewing over and over because I've been too lazy to read it at home). Today will also be my first time in a year that I'll wear a swimming suit...And as many female readers can probably understand, I have mixed feelings about that.

And as I'm typing this blog, I'm distracted almost every five seconds by the billion fans that my mom turned on in the house...Though I honestly think the fans are barely doing any good since the house is already as hot as ever! XD

But anyway, I hope you have just as much excitement as I do for the sunny weather this season, or for the summer in general; if you have plans to look forward to this time of year, such as a long-time planned vacation or just your next opportunity to make a berry sorbet (which is actually what I did with my brother yesterday--healthy and extremely satisfying at the same time!), please share because there's nothing I'd love more than to share excitement and joy with other people!

Soaking up the sun... (at 6pm that is, which is when I'm meeting my friend at the beach)

Bean out.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


Hello all!
Here's another favorite of mine out of the pieces of artwork I've done over the years.
It's titled ©"Wonder" and I created it out of marker.
If you have any comments or feedback, let me know! :)

To see all my other pieces, visit



Bean out.

A Huge Bowl of Healthy and Simply Sweet! :)

I have been wanting to write this blog for weeks, but every time I felt the energy and motivation I was either too busy or too tired to grab my laptop keys and fly away with my words.
But now, I finally have nothing to do but relax, and to share with you another of my million-a-day discoveries. :)

As I was sitting on the balcony just about an hour ago, in the wind and subtle heat of the 70-something degree weather (I'm actually still sitting there right now...Mother Nature seems to not want me to get back inside the house; and neither does Carlos Santana, who I am listening to as I'm typing), I was practically stuffing my face with one of my favorite food creations--I have no name for it yet, but it's basically plain yogurt with sliced banana, flaxseed meal, and oats. And seriously, it tastes better than it sounds! ;D

During the past few months, I've been mixing plain yogurt with oats and with different kinds of fruit. The first mix I made and became obsessed with (and what also became one of my legendary late-night snacks that I've had no guilt eating in front of the TV with my eyes half open) was of yogurt, sliced apple, cinnamon and oats. Before, I used to not add the oats and would just enjoy the pure sweetness of the apple complimented by the cinnamon, and wistfully blanketed by the white mass of..dairy (don't know what else to call it...). But one night, after randomly throwing in about 1/4 cup of the oats into my bowl of perfection, that original mix of perfection suddenly became even more perfect (if that even makes sense...)! From then on, I haven't been able to eat one of my yogurt recipes without adjoining it with the grainy goodness.

Maybe it's because of my enjoyment of eating things that have a lot texture (crunchy, munchy, you name it), instead of things that are all-the-way smooth and creamy...Which makes sense now that I think about it, because I've found myself throwing in almond meal whenever the box of oats wasn't around!

Anyways, I hope you will somehow find the inspiration to make one of these, what I guess I could call, "meals" (I've eaten them for snacks usually, but lately they've become my definition of "lunch," like earlier today). If or when you do make it, I should tell you that they are all incredibly easy to make, as they are very satisfying to the tummy as well as to the senses ;) , particularly if you are someone who has yearned to eat something that is healthy and nourishing for the body, as well as fun to imagine yourself savoring late in the night (I'm starting to feel that I mention late-night eating a lot in this blog...It's probably because of my notion that such an activity is considered mysterious and sneaky, when someone eats what they wouldn't want to be caught with by another person)...And you wouldn't have to worry about that scenario I just mentioned in the parentheses, because what you would be eating isn't something guilty to be caught with! Instead, it's like the perfect gal/guy you'd love to take home to show to your parents!

...Wow I take food too seriously, maybe I should just arrange a wedding ceremony between myself and my yogurt-banana/apple/blueberry/etc-oat-slash-almond-meal-and-some-flaxseed-meal-too treat right after I finish writing!

Well, I guess all that I can leave you with now at the end of this blog, is some ideas I've tried and loved that you can love too!

Bon appetit!

Quickly and ravenously fill a bowl with...
-1 c plain yogurt (I always buy the 1% milkfat yogurt from Trader Joe's; it has a thin consistency but still tastes rich!)
-1/4 c oats or almond meal (Even though I personally get more of a kick out of the almond meal, I throw in the oats many more times just because it has fewer calories...So the choice is yours of whether to care about the calories or the enjoyment :) I guess I should eat the almond meal more now that I think about it...)
-2 tbsp flaxseed meal (A much easier way of getting your serving of omega-3 than to munch on many walnuts..)

...And then add one of these options to the mix...
-sliced banana and coconut shreds (This one is probably my favorite :D , so much so that I've sometimes poured too much of the coconut into my bowl, more than what a human could possibly eat!)
-sliced apple and cinnamon
-blueberries (Though I haven't tried this with the almond/flaxseed meal, I'm sure it would taste delicious anyway!)
-sliced strawberries (I actually hesitated to type this one because whenever I tried it, the strawberries' tanginess clashed with the taste of the oats)
-sliced banana
-nectarine (see explanation for blueberries)

Basically, you can add any fruit or berry in order to turn the yogurt mixture into a large bowl of pure heaven! If you end up not liking the mix, you can always have the yogurt without all the grains and things, and just have the yogurt and fruit together instead--that is just as healthy and as simply sweet! :)

If you have any ideas as to what else can be added (or even what can be taken out of the recipe), don't hesitate to let me know!

Bean out.

Thursday, June 24, 2010


Hi everyone!

This is going to be one of my
all-time shortest blogs, because all I want to say
right now is...


...In other words, I recently created a website where I have displayed all the artwork I've done in the past several years.
I hope you will enjoy them and that they will somehow inspire you to appreciate the nature and appreciation of art more! :)

Bean out.
P.S. The picture you see here (© Title: Audrey Hepburn, Medium: Charcoal) is a sort of preview for my website. It is also my most recent piece of work, which I did about a week ago.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Reaching Home before the Walk has Even Ended

Today I took pictures for the first time in what felt like forever.
To be exact, at least four months.

And by "taking pictures," I specifically mean in the artistic way...Not counting pictures I might have felt obligated to take during large family gatherings. And not counting pictures that someone else might have taken with my camera.
What I refer to is photography, where you use your eye for a different purpose than what in the daily life.

Other than a brief photography class I took in 8th grade, I never really spent an extensive period of time taking pictures with the artistic eye. This mostly relates to the situation I've been in these past few months, which I wrote about in some previous blogs. But incase you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm referring to how I lately have abandoned my favorite hobbies merely out of my lack of motivation. I've never known the reasons for my laziness, but I've tried really hard to shake it off my shoulders.

But today, I felt some strong tug of encouragement from God knows where, that was powerful enough to have me take pictures of nature almost constantly as I was walking home from my bus stop today.

And as I took each snapshot of the emerald green leaves shimmering in the sunlight, and of the vibrant, spontaneous flowers, a familiar atmosphere began taking over me. It was the familiar notion I used to always get when I picked up a charcoal stick and drew it on blank paper, or whenever I made each brushstroke of an oil painting I was extremely proud of (despite my lack of experience in oil paints!). All of my day-to-day anxieties began melting off of me, because they were being quickly replaced by this sense of warmth and comfort that I hadn't felt for so long.

I was almost overwhelmed because it has been awhile since I used my energy on something other than the basics. For the past few months, all that I did when at home was eat, sleep, watch TV, and eat some more (but don't get me wrong, I still have my passion for food...which must have been totally obvious in my last blog :) ). The only opportunities I had in front of me for expressing myself artistically, were studying art history, visiting art museums (which I only have done twice recently), and chatting with friends at cafes (I think cafes are artistic for some reason...).
But today, I was able to spring myself out of the boring home routines I had gotten accustomed to, and retrace the same journey I always took when working on an art piece.

Though I wasn't actually drawing or painting during this walk home, I was still thinking the same way as with any other art medium--That is, I was thinking about how to portray some everyday object or concept in a way that can take an audience by surprise. I used different angles and distances, as I sometimes let the sun shoot its rays through the frame of the pictures, as I took each photo to become a special memory of mine.

My walk back home has actually brought me to my long-lost home, even before the walk even ended in front of my house. :) , If that makes any sense.
..Oh what the heck you know what I mean! ;)

P.S. Enjoy the sunshine today!

Bean out.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Pancake Pie from Last July

Hello to fellow bloggers or readers or whoever the type of lovely people you may be! :)
I decided to post this blog because I have been thinking about food (big surprise) and how it affects all of us. Some of my other blogs involve the same topic, but of course I like to introduce different aspects or discoveries one might make of it.

I was just eating a dessert I made, which is basically a giant pancake with berry compote on top...There's no fancy name for it, but I guess for now I'll just call it the Pancake Pie.
Anyway, while I was eating this ravishing treat, I thought about the senses I was experiencing when I last ate it--the sounds, smells, tastes (well obviously, it was the same taste), but also what I was feeling at the time. I started diving into some memory that I pulled out of my brain from last year's July, when I made the Pancake Pie for my entire family (my uncle, his lovely wife, their baby and my grandma came over too; my relatives are always the life of the party!). I remember it was a calm (so calm that I wished it would never end) night after an entire bright day of almost suffering from 80 degree sunny weather, so each bite out of that pastry deliciousness cooled every inch of me down to mere satisfaction.

We actually didn't get to finish the Pie together, because 10pm struck and my relatives wanted to go home for their night's rest (perhaps out of being drained from the hot weather...By the way, I think if a person from Florida were typing this blog they wouldn't have emphasized the hotness of the weather the way I am!). My dad, brother and sister decided to hit the sack too, so they bid my mom and I good night and went off to sleep.
My mom, as always, was working on her laptop and refused the idea of going to sleep, the way a person refuses to eat a cookie after a rigorous workout. "Not yet Shirene," she murmurs, after I try to convince her to take her red eyes off the laptop!, "...and I just poured myself a cup of coffee to keep me awake" she slowly and tiredly adds XD. (But don't worry, she has been going to bed a little earlier and isn't on the laptop so much lately.)

But I decided to stay up too, though not for as good of a reason as my mom...I stayed up late to watch TV (specifically, to watch a new episode of one of my favorite shows, Being Erica). And because no one finished the Pancake Pie, I felt free and careless enough about my diet to grab the pan and eat the entire rest of the dessert! ...It was nothing but gratification because no thoughts of any nauseousness or excruciating guilt I might feel the next morning entered my mind--All that my brain cells concentrated on was the bursts of flavor that came out of each chew I had of the berries and the fluffy texture-y pancake. :)

Mmmmm, now I feel like grabbing another slice of my newly-made Pie that's sitting next to me!

This entire memory was what I thought of for literally 10 minutes, as I was eating today's Pancake Pie and my family and I were listening to the Mamma Mia! soundtrack (the one from the new movie version by the way ;) ...I'm a big Amanda Seyfried and Meryl Streep fan!). And while remembering the smells of the deep night summer air that swiftly entered the living room from the open window; and as I recalled the dim lights spreading throughout the dark room (save for the brightness of the TV) and illuminating my devoured Pancake Pie at different yet striking angles, the sounds of the soundtrack music and my family's chatter drained out of my ears and seemed almost nonexistent. I felt like I was being transported back in time, all because of taking bites out of my dessert.

Until now, I never really thought about the impacts (in this case, the emotional ones) of eating a food that reminds you of memories of the past. Whether those memories may be uplifting or disturbing, the food can act so powerfully that you can never look at it the same again after you have realized its potential.

In this case, I was able to re-experience one of the most relaxed and fulfilling (not just because of how full and satisfied I felt by eating the dessert...It was of course also because of the talks and laughs I had with my family while sitting around the dinner table eating our meal together :) ) times of my life.

I almost hoped that I would go through the same exact memory again sometime this summer, but that's just asking for someone to press the repeat button. It would actually be boring, for if it happened, I'd miss out on all the other exciting, food-related memories I could create in the future.

Today (or tomorrow, if you end up reading this blog late at night or if you have already brushed your teeth!), eat a food that reminds you of a happy time in your life, a food that makes you want to go through that image all over again. But then also think of a way you could use that same food to make a new and equally wonderful memory with (like inviting your friends over for dinner for example). :)

Bean out.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

1 minute...

Here we go, I literally only have 9 minutes to type this blog, since my laptop's running out of charge and I'm too lazy to get up and connect it to the charger...Plus it gives me a little thrill that I have to type my blog this quickly! :)

Summer has (almost) officially begun for me, and it barely even feels like summer! I took my last final exam yesterday, and even though I don't have to go back to campus for awhile now, I still have one assignment left where I have to send in 5 edited essays for English class by this coming Friday at midnight...

So that's why I said "almost officially" instead of "officially," but I'm not going to let that one assignment get to me because I want to enjoy this first week of SUMMERRR! :D

Some of the things I hope to accomplish this summer are: spend as much time with friends as possible, especially those who won't be in town for most of the summer or who are moving, write many more blogs than I've written during this school year, read, paint and draw more, cook more, eat more (just kidding! :))....Basically, do everything more than usual.
I've barely had any motivation this year to do what I usually have loved doing, so hopefully this next few months of having nothing to do will get me to actually walk up to an empty canvas and start making something, anything!

Okay so I have 7 minutes left...That's strange, I think the timing on this laptop is much slower than how quickly time actually moves...Oh well.

I've read in a magazine recently that a way you can end up having a fulfilling and enjoyable summer is to write down all the things you want to do, regardless of how realistic they may be. This is because even though you may end up not being able to cross off all those things by the time summer's over, you're still left with the satisfying memories of what you did accomplish.
So after I write this blog and after I finish my cup of green tea (which I unfortunately abandoned in order to start typing this blog...I can't multitask in typing and drinking at the same time), I'm going to grab my paper and pen and jot down everything and anything that comes in my head. These may include and not be limited to...

(Oh god, 4 minutes left, I have to hurry now!!)
Stalking Johnny Depp (huh, I wish!), going to France, watch all the movies I missed out on while they were in theaters (including Avatar; yes, it's true, I still haven't seen that movie, not even once), learn to cook more instead of baking the same cakes over and over, and reading all books by Jane Austen. (I started reading Emma just a few days ago, which makes this my second Jane Austen book (after reading Pride & Prejudice three times)).

Okay, now I have 2 minutes left...Now I shall bring up the inevitable question:
What do YOU plan to do during the summer? :)
What are YOUR goals these next few months?

Okay, less than one minute; then I'll just say,

Here it goes!!

Bean out.
p.s. have a great summer! ;)

Friday, May 7, 2010

Here Comes the Sun...

Happy Friday!

That's the first thing I definitely wanted to say in this blog, considering that pretty much 90 percent of us look forward to this special day every week, whether it's for getting out of work, enjoying the sunny day that arrives at once in a blue moon (well it's like that in my case, and for all other Seattlites), or just for sinking in your couch to watch a funny movie.
...Come to think of it, I've done all three of those things today, except the first one though it felt like I was getting out of work since I was in class today for literally half an hour. At one point I thought, what was the point of spending an hour going from home to the university, if I was going to leave campus just a half an hour later? But I didn't let the Debbie Downer-side get to me, so instead I concentrated on how amazing it was that it's actually sunny and WARM today-- in Seattle!! :D

When it's sunny like this in Seattle, it feels like the entire city wakes up. During 9 months of the year, everybody is moving as slowly as how time feels like it's moving. (That's probably the reason for the countless Starbucks cafes that trickle down every street; everyone needs a pick-me-up something in the morning...or any other time of day.) Though I personally don't realize it until the sunny days come by and then there are no clouds, the clouds that hover almost all the time give you the feeling of being closed up and held in one place, keeping you from moving as fast as you would like. But on the bright side, this makes you feel mellow and more calm, which is the feeling I like to stick to most of the time.

Despite my not minding the cloudy and even rainy days, it almost shocks me by how the sun can totally change your mood once it comes up. This morning when I woke up and looked outside my window, I was taken aback at first by the lack of clouds that were in the sky, and by how they were replaced by an endless blue that quietly calmed the air and that complemented the bright sunlight that poured into my room with optimal warmth. With all this happening, I instantly felt more outgoing and energetic, like I wanted to conquer the world.
And as I was walking around campus earlier today, I felt like all of a sudden I had the magic power of hearing the inner thoughts of everybody around me--every person was socializing much more than usual, and much more loudly; they had so much energy from the sunlight that it was like every word in their brains was pouring out of their mouths! but I don't mean to say this in the way that I was bothered by it; in fact I was actually pleased with it, because it made me want to stay outside longer and hang around people more. (But sadly I couldn't, because I had to hop on the bus quickly for something that came up at home.)

For you Seattlites, enjoy the sun today and many more to come this summer!! And for others who don't live in the area, enjoy every day that comes along... :)

Bean out.
P.S. Have a good weekend, too!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Rollin' Home

Here I am, half-asleep--as if my eyes have been trying to close by themselves--, listening to 88.5 (a relaxing jazz station), just finished my glass of acai mango tea, and typing away as I reminisce to myself about the Tyler Hilton concert I was at this past Monday. :) ...While I also try to forget about how stressed out I was when I woke up at 5 this morning about my economics midterm I had at 8:30 (but don't worry, I think I did well on that test so it's all good!).

I was at the concert with one of my really good friends, and I hadn't seen her since last September so it was like a grand reunion for the two of us, and seeing Tyler Hilton was like the major bonus! :D I admit though, I hadn't listened to his music for awhile, but I have always relished the moments of hearing some of his older songs like "Rollin' Home" (that's probably my favorite one from the last album) on my ipod, as I would be literally rolling home (well not literally...I wasn't rolling but I was riding on the metro bus) from university after a long day.

So when I found out he was coming to Seattle, I was ecstatic. I actually saw him in concert three years ago the last time he was here (or maybe he's come a bunch of times in between and perhaps I didn't hear about it...if that's true, I'll feel infinitely times more guilty than I already do for not having listened to his new album!), and it was great! I was there with two of my friends and my sister, and it was in a club-type location on a rainy night in the city. Not only did we get to stand right in front of the stage as he performed gleefully (wow, now after using that word I just started thinking about GLEE the TV show XD Anyway, back to what I was saying...), but after the concert we got to take pictures with him! Plus we bought sky-blue t-shirts with his name written in bold navy font...And despite the inevitable fact that the t-shirt is now too tiny for me, it's still in my closet for the sake of memory. :)

This time, on Monday, when my friend and I went to see Mr. Hilton, it felt as if it were my first time ever of going to a concert--it was amazing!! Even though he only performed for half an hour, since there were other bands going on before and after him, it was definitely worth the wait! I clapped excitedly and cheered occasionally when the previous bands rocked and screamed out their lyrics...but from the point when Tyler Hilton came onstage to the end when he said "thank you for coming, have a good night!" I was literally screaming my friend's ears off, and clapping constantly like a mad man. And before that, when his band members were spending what seemed like hours setting up the equipment before Tyler came, I was getting so progressively anxious from waiting, to the point of grabbing my friend by the shoulders and shaking her, and practically squealing in demanding when he heck he was going to come onstage so I could scream over his music!
...Well, actually, it would have been impossible to scream over his music because the music was too loud. But in a good way of course--I was enjoying every minute of it!

My favorite part of the night was when Tyler taught us the first line of the chorus to one of his new songs, so that one of his band members could record the crowd of us joyfully singing those lyrics to be part of a music video he said he wanted to make. As he was telling us all this, I could feel my and everybody else's excitement overflow within the room, and when it was time to sing, we sang with the utmost devotion to making Tyler get as much enjoyment from our words as what we got out of hearing him sing himself. The song we sang to is called "I Believe in You"--It's officially one of my favorite songs now! not only because I got to be one of the people to sing with Tyler to this song, but also because of the way he sang it. As he was singing the song, you could almost feel what he was feeling when he wrote the lyrics; and I know that sounds as cheesiest as a sentence could be, but watching him sing into the microphone and smoothly strumming the acoustic guitar strings made me want to get to the heart of the story of it.

And thanks to Tyler Hilton, I can never get enough out of hearing that song every time it rings in my ears. ;)

That night will definitely be a night to remember.
Despite the blurriness of the pictures I took with my phone, and how tiny he looks in the pictures, I will always remember the concert as one of the most relaxed yet moving times of my life.

Bean out.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Ugly Mug.

Wow! This is my first time writing a blog while on college campus :D Right now as we speak, I am sitting on one of the benches that are lovingly scattered about the endless pathways students take as they migrate from class to class. The sun is gently (though that feels like a contradictory word since I feel it's the opposite of gentle because I am boiling in the heat!! ...But just for the sake of optimism I am still assuringly using the word "gently" :) ) beaming down on me (more specifically, the left side of my face and neck, but oh well!) as I type buoyantly on my laptop keyboard. The wind lightly picks up every now and then, however all is still unmoving save for the sound of the birds chirping from corner to corner of the sky..in addition to the bright green leaves of the trees that sparkle from the golden sunlight.
...And although the bench I am sitting on is plopped right in front of a crowd of bushes that are at the moment hovered around by bees, as my arms and neck are unfortunately potentially to be exposed by bee stings if I don't notice bees coming around me as I type, I am sitting on the bench in nothing but relaxation.

This is probably because I just came back from a trip I took with my friends to a cafe I had never even heard of before, that sits along the streets nearby the university. It's called Ugly Mug, and even though the name of the place obviously may not sound the most welcoming, walking into the cafe will ultimately take you by surprise.

The first thing you would notice as you walk in is the large impact of the size of the cafe. The space is very small, and yet all the tables, chairs, cups, syrup bottles, and pieces of artwork (on the walls) are arranged in the most perfect way, so that even if the cafe is incredibly crowded (which it was when I was just there), you won't feel like the walls are closing in on you. Instead, you feel sheltered, like no other place in the world will give you this form of security and happiness all in one.

You would also notice the authenticity of the cafe, making you realize that everything has been put together with the most care and attention, as if you had just entered the domain of a dedicated houseowner. The paintings look like it took hours just to make sure they were aligned correctly, as the menus displayed behind the cashier are not mere sheets of paper or wood, but instead carefully illustrated chalk inscriptions, making you want to order just about anything they could make because you start believing that the food will contain just as much of the "homey"-ness and warmth as the presentation of the cafe itself.

And as I was sitting in one corner of the busy yet lively location, laughing and conversing actively with my friends, I couldn't help but make constant effort to take in everything that surrounded me. Under the glass sheets covering the petite tables that we leaned against, random notes have been laid out for all the customer to admire and contemplate, as if we have been exposed to a mini exhibit of artifacts that previous customers have produced during their visits at Ugly Mug. Some of the notes contained phrases that were most irrelevant for the atmosphere of a cafe in general, but I still enjoyed observing each and every one of them because I felt closer to the environment that I had been brought into. I was also surrounded by the most perfect shade of yellow that covered the walls (besides the paintings, which were paintings of dogs, so cute! :) ); they gave me warmth because they reminded me of my aunt's house in California that I visit almost every year, where it is all about yellow, olives, and avocados (since those are among the list of my aunt's favorite things ;)). Obviously, there were no olives or avocados stuck to the walls at Ugly Mug...But just recognizing the same feelings I would get out of gazing at the yellow walls and towels at my aunt's house made me feel at home.

I think that's what I loved most about Ugly Mug. It wasn't just the fact that I was with my friends (which of course was very important to me), the delicious-ness of the food and drink (I ordered, for my first time, a lavender chai latte; I always have gotten chai lattes in general, but never at that specific flavor...And it was amazing!), or the perfect mesh of art and conversation that seemed to form as the theme of the cafe. No, it was the undeniable familiarity that anyone who's enjoyed the comfort of the word "home" and everything that connects you to it, whether you are actually at home or not.

I hope you have had, or will have, the pleasant experience of planting yourself in a restaurant (or in any other place; it obviously doesn't always have to be a place that has food, though everyone knows food is one of the top things people can feel connected to because it reminds them of the most memorable feelings and moments of their lives...Hence, the movie Ratatouille) where you may not expect to, but do, make the same connection to "home" as I have.

Bean out.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

(No Title.)

Okay, I know I just said I was going to bed, but I just felt like posting a poem I recently wrote before I "hit the sack" (I used quotations there because I normally never use that phrase, I just felt like doing it for fun hehe).


(No Title)
Nothing breezes
Like the wind, on
A Sunday Morning.
Like no holiday, it
Brushes away
All our problems that
Were sitting, comfortably
On our hilltops.
The flowers bloom with dignity,
All the trees sway
With peace, all the
Crashing waves move more
Smoothly, all because
Of the wind.
Do not object, for
This is how it
All should, and
Must, Be.
Nature allows it,
And you should too.

Good night (for real this time, my eyes are literally closing as I'm typing this, so I'll go to bed now. for real.)! :)

Bean out.

"Why was Martin Complaining about His New Girlfriend?"

So this won't be a surprise to you or all of humanity, when I say that I've currently been suffering from overeating (it calms me by typing that word in bold font...I was being sarcastic just now :P).
I say it's not a surprise because it's a very common problem that many of us go through, either because of boredom, depression, or just a case of raw hunger.

Those of you who also overeat know, it's the aggravating monster that comes abruptly tugging on your sleeve impatiently while you're watching TV at 11:34 at night...When you're in the middle of a wonderful episode of Frasier, and instead of concentrating on why Martin is complaining about his new girlfriend, or wondering thoughtfully why Frasier has notoriously been getting himself into the hilarious problems for 11 years that practically made the show so enjoyable, you run into the bump sitting in the back of your mind, signifying that you "need" to get up, walk into the seemingly heavenly kitchen and come back out with a heavy bowl of cereal to digest in the night and early morning.

Well, I shouldn't say "you" in the situation I just described, because what I just described was practically the thing that I go through almost every night.

I never really pondered about why I've been like this; perhaps it's just been my way of finding relaxation while I watch TV, because maybe the TV itself isn't enough (which shouldn't make sense because the shows I watch are usually family drama shows like Parenthood or Life Unexpected...or sitcoms like The Middle)...Or maybe it's because I'm just plain hungry since it's been two or three hours since dinner. I definitely know for sure that it's not emotional eating or anything like that; I'm not depressed and usually when I watch TV late at night, it's because I like to watch TV and want to relax and that's it.

Anyway, the situation has been what some could call a "tough cookie" (ohmygosh, just typing those two words has gotten me hungry at this time at 8:51pm, just because of the solid word "cookie"...the most delicious dessert ever...*sigh of mild frustration*).
At least right now I'm having just a square of dark chocolate with a cup of previously-warm-but-now-cold (it's cold now because I've been typing on my laptop of course :) ) roobios tea. It's nice and somewhat soothing because, although it's not as filling as my favorite late-night snack (or should I say "meal")--cereal--, it is very healthy by the antioxidants and also by the low number of calories.

Well, I'm going to go to bed now, I have an ECON quiz tomorrow afternoon.
I also want to go to bed to avoid eating more, but it's going to be hard not to eat anyway--since I have to walk past the kitchen on my way to my room from where I'm sitting right now (in the living room, incase you were curious).

And also, I'm just plain tired since I haven't slept very much during the past week, because...Well, you probably know now. :)

Good night, all!

Bean out.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

20 Straight Days of...Fun :)

(I wrote this blog last Sunday but didn't get to post it until now.)

Although this won't be the subject of this post, I still have not done artwork yet :( Ughhh, I don't know what's wrong with me! I guess it's just because I've had a lot of other things on my mind, such as the things I'm supposed to get done or things I had always wanted to do. Since today is Sunday, I have spent most of the day doing laundry, washing dishes, and relaxing (which has many definitions in my opinion: grocery shopping, drinking white-green tea, watching romantic comedies, eating...). And all those things I just mentioned in the parentheses, I have actually done today.

(Okay, I guess I'll change my mind at this point by saying that this will be the subject of my blog post--I have too much to say in order to not make it today's topic! :) )

Anyway, this morning, the first thing I did after waking up was the one thing I was feeling the most guilty of avoiding during the past week, as it was the one thing I knew would be my biggest mood-booster--and I'm sure you will understand this, once I tell you that what I did was exercise. Specifically, I wasn't being myself that morning, in the sense that I made the spontaneous decision to try out the Turbo Jam workout DVD (since usually I do the aerobics video). Fortunately, everyone else was asleep at the time, which saved me the embarrassment of people amusedly watching me punch the air and do overly-excited dance moves.

Normally, I love to exercise--I enjoyed the 2 or 3-mile long trail runs in my P.E. class during middle and high school, as I've spent the past 7 years either taking ski class, karate class, and/or using the Beach Body aerobics video in the comfort of my own home. In addition, last September, my mom (my favorite workout buddy) and I took hot yoga classes for 20 days straight (because of one of those new student deals that the place offered; and one of the things my mom and I have in common is that we love to save money). I must say, I LOVED taking hot yoga, and after those 20 days were over, I actually thought I was falling into a deep state of depression...Thankfully, however, I did not, but I was still somewhat sad that those fun morning sessions weren't going to happen anymore--unless we kept taking the classes, but then we'd have to pay the regular price--SO expensive!!

Every morning of those 20 days, my mom and I would wake up early and meet in the kitchen at 6:30, where we would drink what seemed like gallons of cool water because we knew that pretty much 99 percent of that moisture would leave our bodies during the hot yoga class! We would then pour three more cups of water into our large thermoses, gather our bags that were filled with towels, extra clothes, and face wash, and head down to the van at the end of the steep driveway in the crisp, chilly autumn weather. And after a 2-minute drive, we would reach the building where the yoga took place.

Now if I were to keep going in my description of the times my mom and I spent in the yoga place, you may start to feel nauseous by the detailed depiction of the smell of the room and of the sweating, though those were things I actually never really thought deeply about when I took the class...But I want to keep readers enjoying this post instead of making them want to vomit, so as a result I will not go into much detail any longer. :)

Despite all the literal grossness and sweating going on during each session, I treasured every minute of it. The class taught me how to be more patient and determined, as it ultimately encouraged me to start meditating after the classes were over; and the meditating I've done these past few months has made my mornings (and the rest of my days) much more easy-going. Whenever I came home after each session, I felt so relaxed yet at the same time with so much energy as if I could invite anything to come in my way.

So I recommend very strongly that you take, or at least try out, hot yoga. For those of you who dread just the idea of getting sweaty almost to the core, I guess I could say it all depends on what you concentrate on during the class; as long as you only focus on getting the stretches and positions right and especially on your breathing, you're gonna be fine.
At least you will most likely leave each session with the state of mind that I think is ideal for living a more relaxed, fulfilling life.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


So this is a continuation of my last blog. As you probably already know, if you did read my last blog, I had decided in hope that I would leap back into my seemingly ancient routines of the artistic things I've really loved doing (drawing, painting), instead of watching TV all day.

To be honest, I haven't done the drawing or painting, at least not yet.
Instead, however, I have spent part of today writing short poems and playing with my uncle's dog, who's been staying at my house this weekend. Though playing with my uncle's dog obviously doesn't qualify as creative or as an art form, I feel that doing it had gotten me back--maybe not completely, but at least partially--in the artistic perspective. Because of my uncle's dog, who we will call Bob, my attention was no longer glued to the TV screen or to eating food continuously in the kitchen (activities that I've done in the house lately, out of laziness of not getting out of the house); rather, as I stood outside in my backyard throwing the ball as hard as I could in order to give Bob the utmost excitement and exhilaration of running on to catch it, my eyes were stretched out and open to the morning air brushing past my face, the rustling of the trees above me, and the uplifting chirping of the birds. It was then when I realized that no romantic comedy can replace the feeling that I was given by all that I experienced, just by the 10 minutes I had spent outside.

Therefore, I owe a lot to Bob for helping to get me out of the terrible new habits. Therefore, after the session with him outside, I was encouraged enough to write the two poems I mentioned earlier. Both poems were literally each just four lines long, but I think it's a good start.

If you're reading this, I hope you're not just donating your time to the actual act of reading the blog, but more importantly offering some support and understanding to get me moving further back to my previously creative state of mind.

Undoubtedly, it's going to take lots of time, effort, and determination, but I'm more than willing to go through all of it and beyond.

Bean out.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Movie of Food, Life of Art

What does it mean if you never finish anything you've started?

This is something I've been thinking about lately, mostly because I was watching the literally delicious (well maybe not literally, but I had to use that word to show the maximum amount of deliciousness that the movie has :) ) movie called Julie & Julia, in which Julie Powell complains to her husband in the beginning about how she never finishes anything, when she doubted she could make all 524 of Julia Child's recipes come to life in 365 days (yes, I actually remember the number of recipes, and it's because I watched the movie three times). When she said this, a pang of the feeling of anxiety and near hopelessness hit me, reminding me of the experiences in the past where I'd start a seemingly exciting, door-opening project for myself, and end up letting it go a few weeks or months later because I've become lazy or doubtful of the possibility of accomplishing it completely. Such projects or ideas have included: knitting a blanket (I still have the stack of twenty-something squares that I haven't laid a finger on in years), cooking dinner for me and my family every night, and playing the piano every so often after I stopped taking classes a year and a half ago.

During these past few months, I've become so lazy about doing anything besides studying, eating, sleeping, and watching TV. Usually, when I come home from every late afternoon from college, I am exhausted--mentally, from studying almost constantly while I'm on campus, and physically, from the daily task of walking to my bus stop and taking the bus both to and from home. And when I'm exhausted and at home, the free-time activity I have in my mind is to watch TV, and only watch TV. I would think of it as the only human activity I have energy to take part in. This is very unfortunate because as much as I try to avoid it, a small voice resides in the back of my mind that tells me I should take on the countless opportunities of revisiting my creative side, which was what I used to do in my life up until my freshman year (in college) began.

Mostly because it was required in art class, but also of course because I enjoyed it with all my heart, I would spend my middle school and high school days sketching, painting, dabbing with a towel, scratching, inscribing, taping, printing, and doing other strange but fun things on the pages of my sketchbook. By the end of my senior year, I had come up with the simple yet exciting ritual of going online, exploring the wide world of portait photos, printing out the one that had struck me the most, eagerly grabbing my sketchbook and pencil/charcoal piece, and reinventing the image I had chosen. Then, I would take my watercolor paints, brush, and my grandfather's old palette, and swish on various colors that would accentuate the parts of the portrait that I was the most proud of.
Every time I was finished with each of these portraits, I always felt a sense of pride, warmth, and familiarity with my creativity that I thought could stretch around the world in endless circles. Besides having been part of me since I was 12, art has been part of my family too (specifically on my mom's side), and that has made me feel like something whole, that being my family itself. I not only felt connected to myself and my inner voice, but even more to the strong ties I've had with my closest family members. But don't get me wrong, I don't depend fully on art to feel connected with my family, it's just something that makes me think more about it.

However, I haven't exactly felt this way since last July, more specifically since the day after I came back from my vacation in California, where I stayed with my aunt (my mom's sister ;) ). I had created a piece out of charcoal and acrylic paint, of a woman in a vibrant red dress holding a glowing umbrella that rests on one shoulder, as she gazes to the side, revealing her attractive feminine features in profile view. Although I wasn't most connected to this art work, I still felt some string of hope that I was getting, how do you say it, my "groove back"?

But since then, I barely have even used the charcoal to make something just as in depth as the pieces I made in high school. There have been times where I've taken my sketchbook in hand, but in those times I only felt the capacity to just casually leave a few swipes of pen or color on the page, with no real color implemented into it.

But this is the part of my blog entry where I will bring back the subject of Julie & Julia. Watching this movie reminded me of how it feels to rediscover oneself by some form of art; in the movie it was food, in my life it is the visual arts--the act of painting, drawing, or even just taking pictures of things I had wished to gain different perspective of. With this reminder, I was also given hope. I now know that really it is easier to get all my creativity out on paper that I have imagined; I seem to have expected too much in the beginning and therefore been disapponted in myself for not giving as much as I used to; but it just takes a little more time, more time to get accustomed to the time I've lost and more to the future time of making the most of my days. Most likely later today or early tomorrow, I will start taking my daily routines more seriously by encouraging myself to draw something, anything, even if it is just a tree branch I saw in the park a few days ago (that was just a random example, I don't actually remember sticks I see for that long, but I do care to remember the parts of nature that strike me and use that inspiration to create my art).

Wish me luck!.

Bean out.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

No Memories but Happy Ones


This is my first time writing since what feels like FOREVER! :D And by the use of all-caps you can probably tell I am excited to be back! (also you can tell by the multiple exclamation points...)

Today is a lovely, newly-arrived spring day as I look outside the ginormous window in my living room and onward to the gentle crowd of trees swaying gently in the lively wind. I am very excited to get out of the house in the next few hours, in the hopes of choosing the best-looking ice cream flavor at Ben & Jerry's (my favorite ice cream place that I need to go to more often, YUMM!...Hmm, looks like I'm still excited :) )--because, incase you were not aware, today is Free Cone Day from 12-8pm!! Yayyy!

I especially need to go there more often because it's in downtown Kirkland, most likely what I call my future location of residence. It's the place where most of my favorite memories have taken place, whether it's been the place where my sister and I took our summer all-day trip there where we ate at a deserted yet homey sushi restaurant followed by me taking snapshot pictures of the dock surrounded by the water sparkling in the midday sun...Or if it's been the comfortable, eye-opening trip with my sister along with our uncle, aunt and grandma to Tully's on a sunny, brisk January morning where we sat by the windows on the couches talking about the importance of family...Whatever I remember about going to downtown Kirkland has always been something I vow never to forget in the future.

Besides Ben & Jerry's, I hope my family and I will also end up walking across the street to what I call Heaven, otherwise known as Kahili Coffee, a large yet cozy coffee shop that is always dim-lit with calmness yet energetic with conversation. Their foamy drinks held snugly and securely in the welcoming, please-take-me-home-although-that-would-be-considered-stealing-oh-well-just-take-a-trip-to-IKEA-for-your-own mugs, which customers may hold as they allow their laughs and talked-about memories float about the room. It's the kind of coffee shop that makes you think there's no other place on earth like it, the most authentic, one-in-a-million location that you can't compare.

So while I may dip and savor my spoons of Milk & Cookies/Oatmeal Cookie/Brownie Chunk-flavored (yes, there are such things as those flavors, and they are DELICIOUS!) ice cream at Ben & Jerry's, I will keep an eye on Kahili Coffee and somehow slip it slyly into conversation with my mom, getting her to remember the past fun trips there so we may find ourselves once again diving into the blissful aura of the coffee shop.

Bean out.