Saturday, September 27, 2008

COLLEGE: Part 1 ("Ugghhh"), Part 2 ("Yayyy")

Part I: "Ugghhh"
Lately I've been thinking a lot about what I'm going to do in college and even what to do after that...mostly because Mrs. Madison (I thought it would be fun to give my sister an alias name :P) just started her first year of college, so people are either asking me multiple questions about what I think about that, or about where/when I'm going to college...So basically I'm almost always thinking about college and sometimes even about what people might think if I went into a certain college.
But still I'm really excited about college (I can't believe how many times I've used the word "college" and it's only after the first paragraph!), because of the whole independence-and-more-freedom thing that goes along with it. I will no longer have to deal with my brother's yelling or with the arguments/tensions that go on in the house; I'll feel somewhat calmer and better away from my family, as horrible as that may sound :S.
But at the same time that I'm extremely eager to leave the house and rush into any dorm that's open at UW or Western, I'm afraid that I won't be strong enough to survive even a week without seeing my own mom or dad. I start to feel horrible just by the fact that I've thought of leaving them alone. Then I start putting myself in their shoes and think about how hard it must be for them to not only have their first daughter move out, but then me too. This is when I tell myself that I will stay home during college so that I could help my parents cope with Mrs. Madison being gone.
So I have this dilemma occurring almost every time I think about college; I switch from the wanting-to-rush-out-of-the-door-to-get-away-from-my-family feeling to oh-my-gosh-what-if-the-only-outcome-of-that-is-hurting-my-parents consistently. It gets really frustrating, so instead, I think about the major(s) I've thought about focusing on...Now I'm excited :)

Part II: "Yayyy"
I remember the first fantasy that I had of my dream career was becoming a famous pianist who would get lots of money so she could buy a beachhouse that looks exactly like the one in the movie Something's Gotta Give (one of my favorite movies ever, even if it's about old people romance!) for her mom...But that was 6 years ago (except the beachhouse plan is still under consideration).
Since last year, I've been volunteering at an art museum close to my house (I'm not sure if it's safe to say the museum's actual I won't; but if you want to know which museum it is, and I know who you are, you can ask me and I'll probably tell you ;) ); I had gotten to know some of the staff members, who always seemed so relaxed and to be enjoying being where they were whenever I saw them; I also got to see different kinds of art, some of which I was never aware of before, and that gave me a bigger outlook on art in general as well as a bigger appreciation for it. Also, the museum café was almost as enjoyable because some of my favorite things were combined there (art, coffee). :P
Being in that atmosphere everytime I've volunteered there has always made me dread the idea of going back home to do my homework or practice the piano. I always feel relaxed and excited at the same time, which I rarely feel anywhere else. I bet now I sound like I'm in love or something!...I'm in love with a red building filled with bunches of paper with colors on them. hehe
Anyways, that's all how I decided what I want to do after college or what I want to study; I want to be an art museum director "when I grow up." :)
But at the same time, I really want to keep learning/taking French after high school; I've always loved the language and the French culture, so I don't want to give all my learning up by not doing anything with it once I get to college. I've thought of taking French as my second major, which I will probably do. Except I don't know what career I'd get into out of that other than being a translator...Which doesn't sound too bad, I'm just worried I might get tired of it eventually.

What do you think? Have I rushed in this deep relationship with the red building too quickly? Should I still take time to think what I want to do in the future?
..Oh my gosh, this sounds exactly like a romantic comedy movie!


Shabnam said...

As much as it makes me proud of your to see how you care about your family, it also makes me scared that you may sacrifice your own happiness for them. You should do what makes you happy and then they will be able to take care of their own issues better when they know that you are happy.
On the other note, you so dont have to pick what to study in college right now, keep and open mind and have all the things you like in mind, it will all fall into place the first year of collge.... its so exciting!!

shirenesBEAN said...

Thank you for the very helpful advice! I really needed it :)
You're right I should think more about what I want to do for myself..
Yeah I'm really excited! :D On the night Shayda came to visit I couldn't stop asking her questions about what Western was like!
And I'm going to see what it looks like today, so now I'm even more excited hehe