Thursday, November 13, 2008

Move back

So I'm sitting at my desk with miles of thoughts running and cramming in my head; I keep trying to relax by playing music I like or having chai (not chai tea, but actual Iranian chai ;) )...But I still find myself feeling tense in the shoulders and neck...And I have a terrible headache. :(

I think it's because a lot of abnormal things have happened to me this week and I've found them overwhelming, just because of how foreign they are. My dad came back from his business trip after a month, and he has a beard--which he NEVER had (from what I can remember); I started listening to Christmas music; conversations I've had with certain people have come up in my mind because of how worried I am about them or because just in general how I feel about them; And many other things, but those are the big ones that have happened this week.

I just want everything to go back to normal. I want my sister to come back from college and never leave home. I want to have spent more time with my Iranian friends (or the "Persian gang," as Mrs. Madison referred one time hehe) like we used to during those "mehmoonees" we don't have as often anymore. I even sometimes want to go back to being the extremely shy person I was, because that part of my life feels like my comfort zone, something familiar that I could hold on to. I want my dad to stop going on those business trips that make me worry sick about the family and myself (and my dad, of course). I want my parents to look at each other the way they used to when I was younger, when we lived at our Kent house. I sometimes want to move back to that house and see my old friends again. I want to delete all the college applications and ask myself why I was doing them, it's way too soon. I want my brother to be the adorable, innocent child he was at one time in his life (but then again he's in that "phase," except that "phase" has lasted for at least a few years..).

I want many things, and most of them probably won't happen because they're just part of change, and change can't be prevented.

I thought writing a blog would help me relieve the stress I've been having today/this week, but I think it's actually made it worse.

P.S. I'm sorry this is such a depressing blog :(
I hope it didn't totally ruin your mood/day or anything


Zebra said...

i'm sorry shirene, i hope you start feeling better about everything!

shirenesBEAN said...

aww thanks! :) i actually feel a lot better now cuz my mom and i talked about it

Shayda said...

you and me both sister

Shabnam said...

I hate to be negative and all, but I gotta say, enjoy what you have now because it will only get harder and more serious!

shirenesBEAN said...

thank you for the honesty :) i hope that doesn't sound sarcastic or anything lol